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Archive for April, 2013

Where love began

You knock on my bedroom door before I’m ready and I hold my breath in a moment of panic, wondering how you’d respond if you saw me like this.

I am half dressed, scrambling to cover my nakedness. My face is wet with tears and yesterday’s makeup. My heart is caught in conflict. I’m scared of what I’ll say. I’m scared of what you’ll say. My heart is screaming your name, but my throat is choked by my shame. I can’t bear for you to walk away, but I’m terrified for you to stay.

Please, my Love, please wait.

You’ve waited a thousand years, you say, and that wasn’t all to leave me this way. So you wait, and you whisper my name, and you hum a melody meant only for me, until my heart responds in harmony. I close my eyes, and breathe.

My breath isn’t shallow like it was, but as deep as my need in your presence, and I lay back and rest. I haven’t even heard your footsteps, but you’ve come so close to me I can feel your heartbeat. I cry because you hold me with arms so holy, where I’ve felt unworthy to touch. I can’t believe the walls between us could be overcome by love.

But there are parts of me still hidden, and I don’t know how to let you in. I’m desperate to protect you from myself, from this crushing disappointment… am I really the one you wanted? If only I could be all that you deserve… How do you see beauty beyond my brokenness?

We’re quiet for a moment, and I grieve in the silence. But I find answers in your abiding presence. Your love simply is.

Is love really love when it has a reason to be, or is it proven when it makes no sense? Isn’t love most true when it has every excuse not to be? If love could be bought, it would become worthless by definition. Yes, reason would deem love meaningless. Love is a gift, you answered, and you said you are blessed in the giving, even more than I am in receiving.

You are blessed to hold me just like this, you promised, and you sealed it with the sweetest kiss, so our hearts couldn’t help but keep singing. I had come to the place where I thought love would end, only to find that was where love began.

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